The Moment When

The moment when your doctor says, "we think you may have an incarcerated umbilical hernia so we are sending you to the ER for a scan and possible surgery tonight". And in your mind you say, " just because it seems so doesn't make it so".  And then the moment when this becomes your mantra.





The moment when the ER doc says, " well you have a hernia BUT your intestines are still intact and only adipose tissue leaked out which is the best possible scenario BUT you still need surgery".

And the moment when the nurse says, "You can leave now".

and you say, "That's a beautiful thing".

and he says, "You're a beautiful thing",.

The moment you laughed holding your abdomen saying, "I thank you from the bottom of my hernia".

Bionic Bellybutton scheduled for August 28th... 

And then moment I can get back into cobra pose.

Most Alive Monday: Happy Mom

"Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous!" - Willy Wonka

I want to take a moment to thank everyone for their support, well wishes and resources. I feel so blessed that my diary has enabled me to connect with so many kindreds and even more blessed to have developed friendships with some of you in person. I've said it time and again, I'm the luckiest person on Earth.

I received a comment last week that gave me pause and I wanted to take a moment to respond to it because I don't want anyone thinking that I'm something I'm not. For the record, I am an oridinary person. I have good days and bad days just like the rest of the world. I get tired, I get frustrated, I lose patience, I get annoyed with my husband, I get sick and that is pretty darn ordinary, isn't it?

Last week, I received a comment from happymom which read:

"Wow - what a bummer. I am amazed that you can suffer migraines, and still find the energy for Most Alive Mondays and crystals, and chocolate strawberries. You are an amazing person."

And here I must respond and dispel any myths and snark that I'm an "amazing" person...

My migraines lasted approx 10 hours each, though I would have to confer with my husband as I lost track of time due to the pain. The next day or two after the migraine, I felt pretty much like crap, exhausted and achy, but I couldn't flop because I have a 4 1/2 year old son who wants to do stuff.

This blog is my diary and very much a part of my own self care...especially Most Alive Mondays because it reminds me to be aware of the beauty in the ordinary. Each week I look for a moment that felt special to me in some way and then I add it to the queue to post automatically on the following Monday. So, as the new week unfolds, I have that moment from the prior week to reflect upon as a buoy for the week ahead. Something light to float on in the event of a crappy day that we all have from time to time, but rather not cling to.

My son was extremely excited about the crystal growing kit that his dad bought during their trip to the museum (while I rested from the postdrome aka migraine hangover) and heartbroken when we realized how toxic the kit was. Thankfully, crystals don't require any energy on my part, short of boiling some sugar syrup and pouring it into a jar. The rest is up to evaporation which I have nothing to do with. To his credit, my wee son agreed to wait until the following day to give me just a bit more recovery time before our Rock Candy experiment.

With regard to the chocolate covered strawberries, it seemed like a simple request. Melt some chocolate in the microwave, let cool and enjoy the hush while the wee boy is dipping berries. A moment of sweet peace from a very patient boy waiting for his mama to get better.

Indeed, the 3 migraines I've had were a bummer, in fact, they down right sucked. But what sucked even more than the pain was not being able to enjoy my son. You see, if given a choice, I would much rather be on the floor playing Legos with my son than barfing in the back of an ambulance. I am grateful for those moments when the pain ebbed...those moments when something so simple and effortless like making rock candy or dipping strawberries became an absolute wonder and delight to my son.

I'm not amazing, that's "crystal" clear! Yet the world is amazing to one little boy who just discovered that he could grow candy on a stick.

*About Most Alive Monday: I've decided to make at least one "most alive choice" each day and post my favorite each Monday. This, of course, is to motivate me to consciously "live juicy"! I hope you'll join me and share your "most alive moment" in the comments section so we may inspire each other.

Insane in the Membrane

So we've been having a bit of a rough patch over here. I had what appears to be three migraines in two weeks. Each one waking me from sleep at 3 AM and torturing me for the entire day. I had no aura or advanced notice that it was a migraine...only the left side of neck felt odd and swallowing felt difficult. I just assumed I was getting some sort of virus, but woke up instead feeling like my head and neck were being bludgeoned. The first one landed me willingly in the ER where the CT scan was thankfully normal, and meds were administered. They medicated me, then sent me home with an Rx for Compazine, if needed. I spent the entire next day on the sofa feeling like I had been hit by a truck.

The second migraine was like the aftershock and that arrived two days later. This time I made an appointment with a neurologist. He asked a lot of question and did some poking. To his surprise I could not feel the pin he was jabbing me with above my left knee. I explained that the numbness in that leg arrived after my unplanned c-section and 2 subsequent blood patches due to a loss of CSF from the epidural for C-Section. Even so, he ordered an MRI of the brain. It too, is thankfully normal. There were two small patchy areas noted. One, he explained, is typically seen in people who have suffered severe migraines. The other, is kind of like scarring, and likely the result of the migraine. Migraines are not headaches...migraines are so extreme that they cause damage. He prescribed Ultracet for pain, Skelaxin for the spasms in my neck.

When I got my energy back a few days later, I tried to get our neglected nest back in order... I cleaned the house, did the laundry etc. Then exactly two weeks later I got a third migraine. I told Satch he could watch tv, then phoned the Great Robinsky to come home, then took half the dose of Ultracet as I was afraid to be loopy when I was home alone with Satch. Robert called the neurologist and said that the doctor suggested I take Skelaxin, Ultracet and Compazine. I protested that it seemed like it was too much medicine to take all at once, but I did what was recommended. I just don't understand how meds are dosed the same for adults. Though I am 46 years old, my body is the size and weight of some 12 year old boys. Would you give a 12 year old and adult dose?

Some time after, I began feeling a very strong vibration in my toes and traveling up my body. It literally felt like someone was holding a buzzer to my body...and the next thing I knew my feet and hands twisted up in spasm and I couldn't turn my head. Robert offered to take me to the hospital, but I couldn't move. I suggested he call 911.

I don't know how many people were standing around my bed because I could hardly see. My left eye didn't seem to be working right and I couldn't move or turn my head to get a look. One of the medics asked, "are you having anxiety" and I said, "I wasn't before, but I'm scared right now". There were lots of hands and voices and I was hoisted downstairs like Shamu and placed on a stretcher where I proceeded to toss my cookies. Then I was in the back of an ambulance with oxygen and an IV. I think he said he was giving me Zofran for the nausea. I barely remember the ride to the hospital. I only have snippets of scenes in my head, but not a complete memory.

I was wheeled into the ER, and remember lots of questions from many faces, one of which was a very hostile nurse. I'll never forget her and how nasty she was. I actually remember saying to her, "Trust me, I don't want to be here any more than you want me here". Questions, lots of them, followed my snippy interjections by the hostile nurse, "ONE WORD ANSWER YES OR NO".
Then I heard the doctor say to Robert, "I can tell you EXACTLY what happened to her... after she took the Compazine... Dystonic...Dystonic... I heard this word over and over. Then the hostile nurse came to inject meds into my IV and I asked for the name of the mediation. She wouldn't tell me. She just kept saying, "it's an antidote that will stop the reaction you are having to all the meds". Then she came to inject another med and I asked again. She wouldn't answer. I said, "I need to know because I don't want narcotics...I want to know that you are not giving me a narcotic because I don't want to be spaced out". She said, "I don't think you could be anymore spaced out than you are right now". (Oh, she was so lovely) Robert chimed in and said, "My wife requests the name of the medication", and then the hostile nurse turned and said, "It's Methocarbamol, do you even know what that is?" Robert said, "Yes, actually I do...I practice judiciary law and read medical charts all day". Then sometime after that, she picked up Satch very abruptly and said curtly, "LOOK AT ME". He turned his whole body away from her. He did not want her to touch him (partly because of his tactile defensiveness and partly because of bad vibe). I tried to say something, but I was so out of it. I was hoping Robert would stop her, but I think all three of us were stunned into speechlessness as her actions were so inappropriate, aggressive and utterly shocking.

*Note to self, remind Satch that he can say no to anyone that he doesn't want touching him and we will insure that his boundaries are respected.

Shortly after the meds took affect, I had some relief but was completely out of it. I don't remember the ride home, but I do remember getting out of our car and barfing in our parking lot before finishing the walk to the house. I remember I had no shoes on because sidewalk was darn cold. I remember only snippets.

I had a follow up appt with my neurologist yesterday about the dystonic reaction that landed me in the ER. It turned out that he did not instruct Robert to give me Compazine because it was prescribed by the ER not him. Robert made a mistake. The neurologist told Robert to give me Skelaxin and Ultracet. I nearly broke down and cried, but kept it together because Satch was sitting beside me. I told my neurologist that feel exhausted and that my left arm, neck and back are extremely sore. He said that I should rest and that I may feel this way for up to a week after one migraine. I've had 3 in two weeks and I can tell you I feel pretty terrible....I'm exhausted, queasy and the left side of my body aches so badly that it's actually hard to keep my left arm up to type this.

I need to find out more about my headaches and how to stop them. The pain defies description. I had migraines as a child, but never had them as an adult. As an adult, I only had headaches and they would go away quickly after taking a Motrin. The migraines are quite different...they come out of nowhere and are intense and debilitating. I can't stand up. The left side of my body becomes weak with sort of a numb/tingly/achy sensation. It is horrific. I need to find the right treatment because I need to be functional for Satch, not doped up. I also need to find a babysitter who is loving, fun and trustworthy and would be willing to step in and watch Satch if I have another migraine.

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You raised some very valid points, but as you have chosen to hide your identity, I can not respond by personal email as I try to do with all who have taken the time to comment. I will respond to them here:

"And if you were a career woman, and someone said to you about the late hours you keep at work - "You don't have kids... you just have a job" - would you be similarly offended?"

I am not an expert on linguistics (or grammar as you may have noticed), but I believe the word "just" becomes derogatory when it is used to minimize a person in the form of comparison, i.e. "You're not _________, you are JUST a _______ ". Fill in any labels you like and it will read equally offensive.

I would have been equally offended if D had referred to herself as "just" anything. Motherhood is an invaluable profession. It is odd, to me at least, that because some women choose motherhood as a profession, that she would be referred to as "just a mom" in such a flippant manner. Yet, her husband who works outside the home would never be referred to as "just a bread winner". And, as I wrote in my diary, I feel the phrase, "just a mother" is offensive to all women because it is what makes us uniquely female.

"For all we know, the speaker at hand was truly speaking about the logistics of needing a car and not speaking at all about the honor of being a mom. Yet somehow, this simple statement of fact is a big deal."

What is true in your observation is that the reader has no way of knowing whether or not the speaker was referring to logistics or the misconception that a mother's day is not full (or busy). And that is because the speaker never took the time to ask about the logistics of life without a car, but rather continued to blaze a trail of disrespect as indicated in the latter portion of my entry. Had she been interested in logistics and asked, I might have been able to express my preference to walk and our commitment to being a one car family. I might have been able to tell her about the doe and fawns we saw on the trail when walking to the pool. I might have told her how Satch likes to stop and lick the nectar from the honeysuckle on our way to Town Center. I might have told her about the time the bus didn't stop for us after the reptile workshop and how I piggybacked Satch half way home before we caught a second bus making the loop. I might have told her that getting a new drivers license is yet another thing on my to-do list and will be addressed eventually.

"But further, you go on to be judgmental of people who choose to pursue career paths."

I do not see the truth in this statement. I have not made any remarks towards women who choose to have careers instead of children. I have not made any remarks about moms who must work outside the home. I have made an observation about my life as I perceive it. This is my diary wherein I write about things that matter to me. I am very passionate about my life and a very big part of it is being a mother as I have chosen this path. I believe I made this clear in my diary entry.

"Isn't there a career person whose paycheck provides you the luxury of being able to stay at home with your son?"

Yes there is. It was a mutual decision and my husband and I both made sacrifices to provide the kind of life we've envisioned for our son.

"And let's be honest: in this world, it is a luxury."

Honestly, being home with my son is certainly a privilege for which I am grateful, but I would not call it a luxury given the challenging nature of it. Moreover, we live rather simply. And again as stated above, we have both made sacrifices in order to provide the kind of life we've envisioned for our son.

"I sure hope he doesn't mind his work being belittled like this."

I am certain that my husband does not feel belittled. He has a very strong sense of self and good ethics. My husband encourages me to express my feelings. He also has a sharp sense of humor and I am certain that he sees the humor as well as the hint of truth in my "corporate butt wiping" analogy.

"I wish SAHMs didn't feel the need to get all knee-jerk about any comment regarding their lack of jobs/careers outside of the home."

I wish that people would stop making degrading comments about women. When one strikes the feminine spirit with an insult to her being, one risks receiving an involuntary kick. To be unmoved by an offense does not serve anyone. It does not open a window for understanding. Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding. I believe I have made my intentions as well as my boundaries perfectly clear.

"This reaction honestly tells me more about you, and your need to justify your life choices...At least for this reader, it makes me respect you less, not more."

My diary is not intended to be a justification of my life choices, but rather my perception of my life. Nor is this response to you a justification of my life choices, it is an acknowledgment of your presence in the form of a reply. I come to this page to write about our days so that my son will have a record of our life together. Amidst the minutia of every day life, there is great beauty. Every life is woven with luminous threads. I write about the things that matter to me and occasionally I write about things that unnerve me. I write to see more clearly. I write to remember. Thank you for taking the time to contact me with your question and comments.

Just.

Dear.

At the family gathering on Thursday, you asked, "Have you learned to drive yet?". I responded, "I already know how to drive. I accidentally let my license expire when I lived in NYC and I haven't had time to retest". And what you said next was shocking. You said, "Well, you're not working, right...you're just a mom".

After the initial recoil at your words, I took some time to consider how to respond. I could say nothing and let it go, but doing so would not serve either of us. Silence does not feel cohesive to my authentic self, nor does it give you the opportunity to evolve and walk this earth with a little more grace. I decided to speak to this publicly because I find your remark insulting on many levels, not only to me personally, but to all women, to all mothers. The remark you made says a lot about the detached attitude of our society. What made your comment all the more appalling was that you are also a mother, although your child is now an adult. I am disheartened to think that you may have forgotten what an honor it is to be born female, to feel the fluttering new human life within your body and to experience the knee bending, otherworldly power of birth - the divine realization that our uniquely female bodies are the portal to this planet and the awesome responsibility of nurturing a new generation of beings.

Yes, I believe it's a privilege to be a mother, as I'm sure the dear souls who are trying so hard to conceive would attest. I believe it is more than wiping butts and doing laundry for sweet little children who are unable to do that for themselves. And yet, why should these selfless acts of love be seen as less important, less honorable than the corporate butt wiping that comes with a paycheck? I think it's sad that ones sense of worth as women and mothers should be defined and confined by the parameters of currency. One glance at the current economy will demonstrate that the value of the dollar is unstable. Try selling your used things at a yard sale and you'll get a very clear picture of how very little your possessions are worth.

Motherhood is invaluable.

You know nothing about me or how I spend my days or what I can accomplish in the few predawn hours before my son awakes. You have never seen what my hands can make. You have no clue as to what feeds my soul. In the four years since we met, we have exchanged only a handful of words, so I can only conclude that your remark is a sad reflection of how you see yourself. Being a mom should never be devalued with the word "just" and I do feel pity for you for having said it. For me, being a mother is one MORE beautiful part of who I am...a title that I am most grateful for. For me there is no "just" in being a mom, it is all encompassing, it is:

knowing my son's dreams because he talks in his sleep; it is fairy houses; rainbow bubbles and pirate ships; it is skinned knees and salty tears; it is breathless laughter, swing sets and jumping on the bed; it is windy days, grassy hill tops and kites; it is wide eyed wonder, warm summer eves and fireflies; it is the rumble of red wagons and tricycles; it is hot cocoa celebrations with the first snow; it is tents, tipis and tree climbing; it is dimpled fistfuls of dandelions and clover; it is mud pies and sidewalk chalk; it is the scent of crayons in the sunshine and the sweetness of cookie crumbs in unexpected places; it is oh so much more...

It is the reawakening to the beauty of being and the restoring of wonder so often dulled in adulthood; it is the daily recollection of the child I once was and the blessed recognition of the woman I've become and shall remain...

fully, totally, entirely, wholly, completely, eternally....Satchel's mother.

Lastly, D, in the unlikely event that you may read my diary, I want to make one thing perfectly clear. If you ever again confuse my dear son and undermine my authority as his mother by deliberately coercing him to do something he knows that his parents do not allow and further upset his sense of unity by attempting to argue with me about it in front of him, you will no longer have the privilege of being anywhere near him without me or his father present.

To all the beautiful mamas who read my diary, if you ever find yourself disheartened by the flippant words of a dispassionate person or the subtle messages of a disconnected society, may they never resonate within you, but rather serve as kindling to strengthen the flames of your self worth. May you know without a doubt that your life contains many beautiful colors that need not be revealed to those incapable of seeing them. And should anyone ever challenge the sanctity of your family with disrespectful behavior, may your wild mammal heart have the courage to rear up and bare her teeth.

I'll be back in a few days, as promised, but not before offering you this blessing:

May the beauty of your life become more visible to you that you may glimpse your wild divinity.

May you discover a new generosity towards yourself and encourage yourself to engage your life as a great adventure.

May the outside voices of fear and despair find no echo in you.

May you always trust the urgency and wisdom of your own spirit.

- John O'Donohue

Santa's Secret

Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of Ohio we stopped for gas and had to turn the car around so I could go back and photograph this sign.

Be Kind

"Three things in human life are important.
The first is to be kind.
The second is to be kind.
And the third is to be kind." - Henry James

These are the ornaments that I made from the acorns Satch collected. We hung them on some fallen branches that we gathered for the vase on our table to celebrate the season (an idea that I ripped from RealSimple - I can't remember the last time I bought a magazine, but the holiday issue was too enticing).

I also designed some new goodies here!

We tried to do our holiday shopping early so we wouldn't have to deal with that pre-xmas craziness, so we can sit back and enjoy the shifting seasons and not contribute to the frenzy. (Can I say, by the way, that I resent seeing all the xmas decorations out before we've celebrated Thanksgiving? What kind of message is that giving to our children?) Toys R Us had absolutely nothing on my list (though they did have a lot of plastic crap and branded toys). I walked over to target and they didn't have any of the toys on my list either. I have now resolved to do all my shopping on line. We are now finished with Satchel's xmas shopping, 'cept for a season related book and an easel from Ikea.

Oh...my list?

Here it is:

• "Pocket Etch a Sketch" (red, not Diego or Spongebob)
• "Life On Earth Color Dominoes" by eeBoo (beautiful illustrations / no branding)
• "I Never Forget A Face" memory game by eeBoo (beautiful illustrations / no branding / multicultural)
• "Who Lives Where" game by Cadaco (simple wooden matching game)
• Mini Tonkas
• Musical Friends Lacing Cards by eeBoo
• Colorglow Flash Light by Hasbro/Playskool (a righteous piece of plastic)
• Tub Tunes Water Flutes by Big Boing
• A tadpole to frog metamorphosis toy for bath
• A hand painted dragonfly kite for spring
• A windup clown fish and submarine for bath
• some sea life for the bath tub

While I was in the toy department of Target, I heard a father say to his child, "if you touch one more thing I'm going to take you over to the hardware store, buy a hammer and break all your fingers".

I felt sick. As I walked past I said, "Nice way to talk to your child, real NICE!" I wish I could have thought of a comment that might have helped the situation...to be an enlightened witness for the child. But I couldn't think of anything else to say because I was in shock. I remember reading in Jan Hunt's book, that we shouldn't turn away when we witness an abuse, we should act so the child feels seen. If we see a parent overreact due to stress, we should respond with something like, "It can be really stressful, is there something I can do to help?" In this way, it's not an attack on the parent, the child feels validated and yet it acknowledges that the situation is unhealthy while restoring some balance, consciousness.

However, in that toy section of Target, I felt paralyzed. Moments like that one make me realize that even on my worst day, I could never be THAT wretched.

Bushwhacked!

Satch and I took a nice stroll in the rain to the post office. As I placed the parcels on the counter I froze when I heard a newscast reporting a terrorist attack and evacuations. The mail clerk must have seen all the color drain from my face because she immediately said, "They're re-playing the original broadcast....we're you there?" "Yes", I replied sadly, "I was there". I couldn't find the words for what I was feeling. It's not as if I've forgotten...every year at this time the nightmares start. I wake up hearing sounds so real that it takes some time for me to realize it's not really happening.

I really didn't need that sort of reminder...it was like a whack in the face!

Hmmmmmm

Things that made me go, "hmmmmmm":

1. One morning at the LACH, Satch and I overheard a middle-aged man order, "Cappuccino....DRY" (meaning no milk)! Hmmmm...wouldn't that be an espresso?"
   
2. While on the trail, we saw an amorous adolescent couple walking hand in hand...each talking into their cell phones with their free hand. Hmmmmm.
   

Hot Off the Press...

This just in....

JOIN THE NEW YORK WOMEN'S AGENDA ON THE STEPS OF CITY HALL FOR EQUAL PAY DAY
TUESDAY, APRIL 24TH at 11 a.m.

Please Wear Red
to symbolize how far women and minorities are "in the red" with their pay!

Councilwoman Helen Sears, Chair, Committee on Women's Issues and the New York Women's Agenda, Sandra Eberhard, President; Joan D. Firestone and Linda Hartley, Co-Chairs, Government Affairs and the celebrated actress, Kathleen Chalfant join with professional women throughout the United States to raise awareness of the continuing inequities for women in the workforce.
We need to advocate for passage of legislation to guarantee parity in salaries; educate the public about current disparities and loopholes in the law; educate and pressure businesses and local government to enforce laws, and support upcoming New York State and Federal legislation to ensure pay equity.

For more information, contact Beverly Neufeld at bneufeld@optonline.net. Learn more at: www.pay-equity.org.

DID YOU KNOW?

* In 2005, women's earnings were only $.77 for every $1.00 earned by men. For women of color, the gap is greater, only $.71 for African American women and $.58 for Latinas.

* A working woman will lose between $700,000 to $2,000,000 over the course of her lifetime compared to her male counterpart with the same level of education.

* Equal pay in female-dominated jobs would increase wages for women by about 18 percent.

*Mother Fckrs

I've just read the Washington Post book review for The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennett, a book about the economic realities that mothers face . You can read Rachel Hartigan Shea's review here! Shea does a very thorough job of encapsulating Bennett's work. Here are the hard facts:

• Mothers are 44% less likely to be hired than non-mothers with the same experience
• Employers pay mothers an average of $11,000 less in starting salary than non-mothers with the same qualifications
• Women lose 37% of their earning power after 3 years at home.
• Of the 74% of mothers who return to work, only 40% are able to find full time employment

To say that this ruffles my feminist feathers is an understatement! I have a visceral reaction to injustice. In general, women in America earn only 2/3 of what men do and women artists earn only 1/3 of what men do, so when I'd learned of the further beat-down that mothers get, I was furious. Ok, I know, women have been getting *fckd (both literally and figuratively) throughout history so this new analysis should come as no surprise, but it continues to anger me. Some interesting reading about the feminine struggle in the art world and health care professions can be found here, here, and here! (two subjects close to my heart)

I would like to close with my own hard facts in favor of femininity and motherhood:

• The wonder of sharing my body with another human being for 40 weeks and the awe of feeling the first flutters of life.
• The magnitude of labor that I can only describe as an earthquake in my body. A sensation so mighty that it literally drove me to my knees. A powerful energy that shook me from sleep like those summer storms that seemingly come out of nowhere with a loud clap and a bolt of light. It was as if my body was saying, "this is IT...the miraculous is happening...life is coming through you". The birth of my son was a quake that shook the very core of my being and split my perception of the world wide open.
  
• The tenderness of nourishing life at my breast...with milk that contains exactly the right amount of protein and fat and antibodies. The sweetness of watching little eyes roll back with satisfaction and a milk drippy chin.
• The privilege of being a SAHM and being there for the first smile, first words, first steps...

The reality is...all life comes through the feminine. The female is the doorway to life. In spite of the sexism that continues to exist, I wouldn't trade motherhood for ANYTHING, not even a penis or a paycheck because.....I'VE GOT THE POWER!!! (Shall we dance?)


*I apologize for the profanity, but I felt it was both appropriate and witty given the nature of the post.

Support

Jan Hunt, author of the beautiful book, "The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart" posted a comment about the Crouse Hospital Anti-Cosleeping form here on Mother Rising. I'm pleased to welcome her presense on this blog and am grateful for her support.

If you haven't read her book, please do...and it's the perfect baby shower gift. It's a small, yet powerful book and I believe it has the power to change the world.

Her motto, "Change the world - nurture a child"!

Outrageous!!! Hospital Discourages Co-Sleeping

Crouse Hospital of Syracuse NY discourages co-sleeping. Attached are the actual documents. To enlarge, click on the image. (this will take you to flickr) then click on the magnifying glass! (You may also download a copy from flickr.)

*Please note the use of the word "Facts"...these are NOT facts, but opinions of the hospital!

If you find this as outrageous as I do, feel free to send a letter. I would love to organize a mass mailing:

Crouse Hospital
Kienzle Family Maternity Center
736 Irving Avenue
Syracuse, N.Y. 13210

Kienzle Family Maternity Center (315) 470-7753

Read Dr. Sears' article on the benefits of co-sleeping by clicking here!

"This generation of mothers labors under [the] dubious pronouncement that babies sleep best in isolation. Every infant knows better. His protest at nocturnal solitude contains the wisdom of millennia." - Thomas Lewis, M.D., A General Theory of Love



Below is an old photo of my brother when he got pinned under the bottom rail of his crib. By the time my grandfather (Gully) got there to saw him out, he had managed to wiggle free. Crib manufacturers spend a lot of time and money trying to make cribs safer, perhaps they should invest that energy in designing family beds!

Obbity Bobbity # 2

One thing that really irritates me is ignorant remarks regarding mothering by women who don't have children...

Today as I was finishing my workday I sighed, "Boy, I'm tired". A woman, pregnant with her first child replied, "That's by choice"(referring to the fact that I co-sleep with my son). I turned to her and said, "The choice to sleep with my son is a good choice for my family...Satchel has never slept through the night, not all babies do, and if I had to physically get out of bed every time he woke up to nurse, I wouldn't be able to function". Then I added, "Talk to me in a month and tell me how tired YOU are because mothering puts 'tired' in a whole new perspective".

I admit, "attachment parenting" is hard work, but the rewards are great, and for our family it feels right, natural and the most nurturing for our child. Dr. William Sears writes, "Sleep-sharing babies get the message - I am just as valuable during the night as I am during the day. I belong to someone 24 hours a day." (For the record, co-sleeping and breastfeeding are beautiful and magical experiences which I will cherish forever!)

What are some of the irritating remarks you have received? Let this comment section be a place to dump them so they no longer linger inside you.

For those of you who don't know what Obbity Bobbity is, click here!

"Harold and Maude" is on tv tonight (one of my faves)...after Satch falls asleep I will watch a bit of it. It will be a good remedy for the aforementioned crumminess. I just adore the character "Maude" and hope to be as vibrant as she when I'm in my 80's.

Obbity Bobbity

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." - Oscar Wilde

My friend Phoebe has an expression that she would say when ever something felt weird. "Obbity Bobbity", she would sigh. That is how I felt this afternoon when I learned that the veggie burgers were eaten by the carnivores and the only BBQ left was a platter of cow patties...except I didn't sigh "Obbity Bobbity", I sighed, "f_ _ king unbelievable". I didn't mean for it to come out of my mouth, but it did. It wasn't so much the disappointment of having my lunch eaten as it was the comment I overheard as I walked toward the kitchen.

You see, I had intended to leave Satch on the sheet with B so I could grab some food, but he didn't want to stay with her so I took him with me. As I walked away I heard someone say, "that's why he does that because she lets him". (Does What? Reaches for his Mama?!?!) It should be noted that the person who made this comment doesn't know me very well nor my son and I have a pretty good idea that we don't share the same parenting philosophy, i.e. Attachment Parenting. It should also be noted that just a mere 5 minutes prior, someone asked me, "Is Satch always this happy"?

Yes...he is a happy child.

I held my breath and remembered what my friend Larry ( a holistic pediatrician ) told me...."Hey Wendsters, hang in there. You're doing the right thing and your son will be better for it. People will always have something to say.....ALWAYS. Quietly, in your own way, either aloud or under your breath, say, thank you very much, even though you're telling them to _(*_(&^*&% off!!! " (Thank you, Lobster, your presence give me hope for the world)

That is what I tried to do, but when I got to the kitchen door I said "f_ _king unbelievable".

I believe that Satchel is entitled to his opinions, his wants, his needs, his likes, his dislikes. At this early stage in his development I feel it's my duty to respect his wishes. At this time in his life, "No's" are saved for things that can harm him. There will be plenty of time for behavior modification as he gains a better concept of the world around him. At this early age, his needs (both physical and emotional) are satisfied and his requests are acknowledged not ignored. I think Satch is such a happy child because he knows he is understood, that he is heard and respected.

Another person that gives me hope for the world is Jan Hunt who wrote the wonderful book,
"The Natural Child - Parenting from the Heart".....and of course, our beloved Mr. Geisel.

"People are people no matter how Small" - Theodore Seuss Geisel